31 May 2009

The last two days have been absolutely glorious English weather – azure blue cloudless skies, a temperature in the mid-20s and a cooling breeze. I have taken advantage of it to indulge in one of my favourite pastimes au naturel au jardin, behind a suitable screen, of course, however I wonder what my friends think when they ring me on the mobile and hear the loud sound of birdsong!

When I was in the garden the telephone did indeed ring but it took me so long to get up from the grass that I missed the call. I then realized how very weak my arms had become. It took a great effort to get on to my stomach and lever myself up on my elbows. The one good thing is that I no longer suffer from cramp. The quinine which was prescribed a couple of months ago seems to be doing the trick.

Whilst I was relaxing in the garden one of the programmes I listened to was Gardners Question Time. One of the contributors mentioned a gardening book written in the 17th century which recommended sticking feathers into the ground around your vegetables in order to scare off the birds. Not one of the great gardening experts seem to have heard of this idea. It struck made that here was a commercial opportunity. Strike a deal with the poultrymen who prepare pheasants for the oven. Purchase from him the birds tail feathers. (I’m not aware that they have any other use at present, hats en masse, being no longer de rigueur). Package these feathers up in bundles of six and sell them in garden centres as Keep the Birds off Your Veg (Direction – just put them in the ground here and now amongst your precious plants). If I was a little younger I might even follow through with the idea.

Tags: gadgets