Pigs
A man was driving his large Bentley down a winding country lane. As he approached a sharp corner he met a lady in a Mini who was forced to mount the grass verge to avoid the Bentley. She wound down her window and shouted out, “Pig!†The driver of the Bentley was so annoyed that […]
Tents
A man who went to see his doctor. “I’m not well, doctor. There’s something wrong with me. In the mornings I think I’m a wigwam, and in the afternoon I think I’m a marquee”. The doctor examined him and said, “I’m going to give you a sedative. You’re two tents…”
Broken Fingers
Talking of achievement reminds me of the man who went to the doctor with a broken finger. The doctor put it in the splint. “Will I be able to play the piano, when it’s better?”, he asked the doctor. “I don’t see why not”, said the doctor. “Funnyâ€, said the man, “I’ve never been able […]
Pub Joke 1
A man went into a pub. “Good evening, sir”, said the landlord, what would you like to drink? “A large whiskey thank you”, said the man. “That will £3.50”, said the landlord. “No”, said the man, “I distinctly remember you invited me to have a drink. I thought it was very kind of you”. The […]
World Monopoly Champion
I will recount how became the first joint world Monopoly champion in 1977. Messrs. Waddington – the producers of Monopoly – and the Financial Times got together and  threw out a challenge to find the world Monopoly champion. In fact it was the first joint world champions as one of the rules laid down was […]