8 September 2012
Chloe left shortly after lunch having had a relaxed morning being unable to assist me to print the blog for the reasons I gave earlier. I spent a good part of the afternoon continuing to try to sort out the mess caused by the last few entries on the blog, that was after spending all of the morning and the early part of the afternoon struggling to get Dragon working only constantly getting up the message on my voice volume that it was ‘ too low’,
It suddenly occurred to me that as my voice grew weaker it would get to a point when I would not be able to dictate my blog at all. How ironic that would be when the whole purpose of this blog was to share my departure with other people suffering from MND and their carers. Without seeing it through to the end, the blog will only have achieved partially what I set out to do in the beginning. The more I thought about the more downcast I became. Quite simply I had never considered not being able to use this medium to my last gasp. As my genie was not available* I spent a pretty miserable evening wondering how on earth I could get overcome this problem. Maybe I could persuade one of the many voluntary groups within the area to give me a hand but I would be seeking a fairly heavy commitment. Alternatively, I could consider employing someone but then there was the cost to be considered. That itself, based upon the time taken today, would not be insubstantial. Some days I feel as though my departure will not be too long now. These are the days when my breathing is particularly bad and I can imagine dying from respiratory failure. Today was one of those days. Everything seemed to be against me. I went to bed low in spirits.
*The genie I was referring to was Paul ‘ the computer’. Whenever I have found myself in trouble on my laptop through tackling something too complicated or just dealing with an everyday problem,’ I rub my lamp’ (telephone) and my genie appears and almost always sorts my problem out for me in a very short space of time. I do not undervalue this is extremely important piece of luck in having conjured up this genie in the first place.