6 January 2011

A record breaking period. Apparently it has been the coldest December since records began over 100 years ago but on the other hand it has been the warmest year for the last 50 years. Certainly something is happening to our climate whether through human intervention causing global warming, a change in the Jet stream due to the melting ice in the Arctic, a change in the Gulf Stream or whatever no one seems to be sure. One thing for certain is that the seasonal weather is certainly different to what it was when I was a young man. I gather this world will eventually die completely at some stage and I have heard varying reports of between one and 5 billion years so I don’t think there is too much for us to worry about that moment.

The other records I had in mind were, can you believe, to do with the Ashes. England is on the blink of an historic win, the first in Australia for 24 years. England batted on to accumulate a score of  644 thanks in no small measure to Alistair Cook’s 189 and two Prior who scored his first ever test century (115). .Then Australia’s lacklustre response having losing seven wickets for 271 in their second innings leaving them 151 behind England with three wickets in hand and a full day ahead of us, So the inevitable is in sight unless the Almighty comes to the Australians rescue by opening the heavens and preventing any play tomorrow  – most unlikely, unless not unlike the occasional weather forecasts in this country, the Australian meteorologists have got it entirely wrong!

Inevitably jokes, at the Australians expense, will now start appearing about this particular series. We have certainly suffered in the past from this sort of ribald humour and therefore must be excused a few moments of triumph, but all good fun. I would normally have included the following in the Jokes section of this blog but because it is so apposite to the moment, for this  I include it here for your delectation

A lady walked into a Police Station and the desk Sergeant said “Can I help you?” 
“Yes” she said, “I’d like to report a case of sexual assault”. 
“Where did it happen?” the Sergeant asked. 
“In the park just down the road” she replied. 
“Can you describe what happened?” 
“Yes, I was walking along the footpath in the park near the trees when a man jumped out of the bushes and dragged me in there, removed my underwear then he dropped his pants to his knees and had his way with me”. 
“Could you give me a description of him?” 
“Yes, he was wearing white shoes, long white trousers, a white shirt and he had these two big long pads from his feet up to and over his knees, one on
each leg”. 
“Sounds to me like he was a cricketer, most probably a batsman”, said the Sergeant. 
“Yes”, said the lady, “He was an Aussie Cricketer”. 
“That’s very observant”, said the Sergeant, “You worked that out from his accent?” 
“No”, she replied. “I worked it out because he wasn’t in for very long”.

Now when Villa all computerised voice their time seeing your number 844 and I punched in mind number of mechanical and it is inevitable that there yesterday i asked about the taking the airI had thought today was Twelfth night, the last day on which, traditionally, you should have removed all your Christmas decorations or risk bad luck in the New Year; the last day of Christmas festivities and therefore one of merrymaking.No longer widely observed, if at all. On the Christian calendar it represents the coming of the Epiphany and concludes the Twelve Days of Christmas. However on looking up the definition I see there is some confusion as to whether it is 6 January or the 5^th. It’s all to do with whether the day starts at sunset. Some say it is the evening proceeding Twelfth Night, the night of Epiphany, and some count the night of Epiphany itself. One source of this confusion is the mediaeval custom of starting each new day at sunset so that the Twelfth Night precedes the Twelfth Day. Anyway, whatever you believe, if you are at all superstitious for goodness sake  make sure you have removed all your Christmas decorations.