According to the night carer I had the best nights sleep yet. In effect I was heavily sedated so the outcome was not surprising. From about lunchtime on yesterday, for no apparent reason, I felt agitated. I could not get comfortable; I could not scratch an itch; I could not get myself in the right angle to use the telephone; etc. In effect I felt that the whole business of using the laptop was just becoming too much. This is ridiculous after all the years I have used it. Of course, this was nothing to do with the laptop so much as my state of mind. ‘ My lovely’ recognising that I was not myself decided to increase my intake of lorazepam, or, what we and have come to call,’ my anxiety pill’.
There is no apparent reason why my anxiety, or agitation, should have increased so significantly that I needed something to’ calm me down’. In any event, ‘my lovely’ noting that I could take four of these anxiety pills each day and today I had only taken two, decided to increase it to three until such time as she could speak to one of my consultants. Accordingly I took the increased dosage but without any obvious beneficial effect-the decision having been taken late in the day – and the degree of agitation lasted until bedtime. We will start the new regime of pills midday tomorrow.
What do you part of the problem can be put down to a deterioration in my breathing. I can only liken it to a fish out of water. My mouth opens and shuts every second or so taking in fresh air I just hope that when we consult Papworth again, the doctors there will not say that I need full-time daily air intervention, or put another way I will need to wear my respirator all of the time.
I have been having a frightful time with my laptop, or more specifically with Dragon in conjunction with Word. Half of the time it does not recognise my oral commands and the rest of the time it is serendipity what files in opens. Frequently in attempts to send e-mails some unsuspecting recipient Hall, it will open up a game of solitaire and so on. All very frustrating as it seems to have reverted to the original travel that we spent six months or so trying to sort out with the Dragon team, clearly, without success. Luckily for me, Paul’ the computer’ came this afternoon and sorted it out for me.
For an amazing story from a flight attendant on Delta Flight 15 on 9 /11 click here.