14 July 2011

A mainly medical entry. Ever since I have ceased trying to struggle from one room to the other using my pulpit frame my legs have clearly got weaker by their non-use. As a result the joints are stiffer from lack of exercise and this is one of the causes of pain at night in bed. The good Dr Michael, whilst he was here the other day, prescribed two 100 mg of Tramadol (a slow release painkiller) jn addition to the painkillers I’m already taking, which he happened to have in his medicine bag. Apparently they have a cumulative effect and I can say that after two or three nights of using them most of the pain has disappeared.

On the runny nose front the amitriptyline, prescribed by my palliative care doctor, Dr Margaret Saunders, to assist my sleeping, also have a secretory effect and have certainly improved this irritating problem.

Finally, as is quite common with quadriplegics, the lack of movement in the lower body, sitting all day in a chair or wheelchair tends to make one constipated. I have certainly had trouble in that direction but have now started taking what was Movicol (now compound Macrogol), in the morning and evening and that seems to have done the trick.

I was told, at my last MND assessment, that I was entitled to Continuous Attendance Allowance, or at least the higher rate, as without the use of my legs and hands I require 24/7 attendance. We filled in the forms today and will send them off when we received another form from Joanna, our MND coordinator at Addenbrooke’s. The covering letter from the Disability people warned that it could take in 11 weeks to process. You would think that they would fast track any MND applications as, certainly in some instances, 11 weeks can be a significant portion of the remainder of your life (one young man in our village died within 26 weeks of being diagnosed).

Now for something a little lighter after all that medical staff.

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use asurrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, ‘Well, I’m off now. The man should be here soon.’

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby  photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. ‘Good morning, Ma’am’, he said, ‘I’ve come to…’

Oh, no need to explain,’ Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, ‘I’ve  been expecting you.’

‘Have you really?’ said the photographer. ‘Well, that’s good. Didyou know babies are my specialty?

After a moment she asked, blushing, ‘Well, where do we start?’

‘Leave everything to me.. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.’

‘Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn’t work out forHarry and me!’

‘Well, Ma’am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I’m sure you’ll be pleased with the results.’

>My, that’s a lot!’, gasped Mrs. Smith.

‘Ma’am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I’d love to be In and out in five minutes, but I’m sure you’d be disappointed with that.

Don’t I know it,’ said Mrs. Smith quietly

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. ‘This was done on the top of a bus,’ he said.

‘Oh, my God!’ Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

‘And these twins turned out exceptionally well – when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with..’

‘She was difficult?’ asked Mrs. Smith.

Yes, I’m afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look’

Four and five deep?’ said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

‘Yes’, the photographer replied. ‘And for more than three hours,too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling – I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.’

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. ‘Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh…equipment?’

‘It’s true, Ma’am, yes.. Well, if you’re ready, I’ll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away..’

‘Tripod?

Oh yes, Ma’am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It’s much too big to be held in the hand very long.

Mrs.Smith fainted