21 December 2010

Yesterday, I started to think about wishing my readers a Happy Christmas. About the same time I received a copy of an e-mail from a lawyer colleague of Hew Dundas -one of the vice president of The Arbitration Club-,Haig Oghigian, a Partner in Baker and McKenzie’s Tokyo Office, with a festive greeting, that only a lawyer could possibly have dreamt up, that could give offence to no-one, whatever their proclivity. This led me to wonder if I was right to wish all and sundry a Happy Christmas, indeed, it might well be that this could even give offence to some people After all a relatively small percentage of the world population are Christians.

What we are really saying when we wish someone a Happy Christmas,  is, I suppose,  twofold. For the Christians it would be the religious reference to the birth of Christ and to the majority it would be no more than wishing them a jolly time over the Christmas period. Because of the diversity of people now with whom international lawyers deal, I’ve noticed, not without some amusement, the lengths to which these lawyers go so as to not give offence to their clients who are not Christians- Happy Festive Season, Seasonal Greetings or Happy Holiday etc.

I suppose the Christians should be grateful that the birth of Christ falls so close to the winter solstice-21st of December, the shortest day in the year in the northern hemisphere. (Also known as Yule – thus happy Yuletide –  one of the oldest winter celebrations in the world . Humanoids have been on this earth for 200,000 years and following the hunter gatherer phase, when they started living in communities and cultivating the land, I have no doubt that some form of community worship developed. We know, for example, that paganism, the worship of ecology and the origins of nature itself, in such places as Stonehenge, in Aylesbury, is at least 6500 years old. There are ancient Celtic traditions, Druids, Sacred Ecologists, Odinists, all going back deep into time and almost certainly all of whom indulged in some sort of worship at this time of year.

The ancient Romans held a festival to celebrate the rebirth of the year, Saturnalia, which ran for seven days from 17 December it was a time when the ordinary rules were turned upside down. Men dressed as women and masters dressed as servants. Homosexuality and uncontrolled debauchery were practised with no lasting consequences or recriminations.

Saturnalia – meaning plenty – also involved decorating houses with greenery, lighting candles, holding processions and giving presents. (All of that sounds am a modern ring to it)

On the final day of the celebrations, 25 December, the Romans honoured the birth of the pagan god Mithras, in a feast known as the birth of the unconquered sun.. It wasn’t until the fourth century A.D. that the then official Roman Catholic Church, established by Emperor Constantine, declared December 25 to be the Feast of the Nativity. Even the Yule log and the 12 days of Christmas – immortalised in the Christmas carol of the same name -  originated with the ancient Norseman (now Norwegians) long before the birth of Christ. (Incidentally, it was a five bowled clay pipe, excavated in a Temple of Mithras, in Cannon Street, London, which was the official Trophy, of which we were custodians for one year, having won the joint World Monopoly championship in 1977). During the adult Saturnalia, children were encouraged to indulge in drunken orgies which coincided with another festival called Juvenalia. We also know the Egyptians and Babylonians held mid-winter celebrations, at least 5000 years ago, long before Jesus was born, and therefore the Christmas celebrations were initiated. So, as they say there is nothing new under the sun.

Hew’s colleague in Tokyo, Haig Oghigian,, wrote such a brilliant anodyne festive greeting that should safely be able to be made to any person at this time of year without giving offence to their religious beliefs (or lack of them) their race, colour, creed or sexual persuasion. Only a lawyer could possibly have written this and for your amusement, with the author’s permission, I reproduce it below.

Festive Greetings
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. 

In addition, please also accept our best wishes for a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2011, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make this country great (not to imply that this country is necessarily greater than any other country or area of choice), and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual orientation of the wishers.
 
This wish is limited to the customary and usual good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first. ‘Holiday’ is not intended to, nor shall it be considered, limited to the usual Judeo-Christian celebrations or observances, or to such activities of any organized or ad hoc religious community, group, individual or belief (or lack thereof).
  
Note: By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms.

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher at any time, for any reason or for no reason at all. This greeting is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting.

 This greeting implies no promise by the wisher actually to implement any of the wishes for the wisher her/himself or others, or responsibility for the consequences which may arise from the implementation or non-implementation of it.
 
This greeting is void where prohibited by law.
 
Haig Oghigian, F.C.I.Arb
Attorney at Foreign Law
 

My own drunken orgy today consisted of sharing some  excellent bubbly  with my erstwhile gym friend  Tristan (Frampton) who generously turned up at the this evening with two chilled bottles. I would normally have no difficulty in consuming a whole bottle within a couple of hours although, as we finished a second bottle I noticed a difference now that my body mass has diminished and, no doubt, all the various pills I take recommend ‘no alcohol’ (but then I have never taken any notice of such warnings in the past). Having said that I managed to walk back to the study, with my frame, without too much difficulty so could not have been too bad. In any event it was extremely kind of Tristan and very nice to see him again and catch up this news..

20 December 2010

It’s all looking rather serious for those people who intend to travel at Christmas, with no break in sight in the icy weather. With families due to disperse countrywide to visit their relatives, all such plans have to be on hold. There is absolutely no sense at all in venturing out with young children with the possibility of being snowbound on some foreign road for hours on end. Whether Chloe and family will make it to Karl’s parents and Miles and Kimberly make it here for Christmas Eve, is in the lap of the gods. As things stand ‘my lovely’ has still to pick up our Christmas fare from Waitrose, otherwise we may well have a turkey-less Christmas. As things stand even without a visit to the shops I’m sure we will survive quite comfortably having already received a very nice hamper from Fortnum & Mason’s, courtesy our generous young nephew, Tom Grand.

I received a letter from the MCC (Lord’s) with the forms for priority tickets for next year’s Test matches – India and Sri Lanka.. The letter was dated October but did not arrive until last Friday and the closing date for the ballot for tickets was 10  November. Have not missed a season since I became a member in 1976 you can imagine my alarm. I telephoned the assistant Secretary, Colin Maynard, who was not in today but his secretary kindly referred me to, David O’Neill, in the ticket office, who  invited me to send the application forms in ASAP, which I have now done. I wondered for a while whether I was wise in buying so many tickets this year as heaven knows what my physical state will be by June or July.

However, following my own dictum, Carpe Diem, I must assume I will be able to get to Lord’s some way or the other. Last year I took a dozen or so friends and relations and I fully intend to try to do the same again this year. There are so many wonderful people amongst my own friends, St John ambulance and the Lord’s staff, who are prepared to put themselves out for my benefit, I believe they might almost be offended if I didn’t make the effort. I have already received three long helpful e-mails from Steve (Crocker), the major-domo of the wheelchair access, making it quite clear that he has my interests at heart and is looking forward to seeing me. What kind and thoughtful man.

19 December 2010

The country is still paralysed by sub-freezing conditions and, in places, heavy snowfalls.
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 Horrendous stories prevail of people who being stuck in traffic jams on motorways  for seven or eight hours or overnight at airports, sleeping on the floor with little or no hot food or drink available. ( I wonder how much petrol a car uses when it is only  idling – in order to keep the heater running?) . Most of our airports are closed, including the busiest in the world, Heathrow, so it’s pretty much chaos all round. Every time this happens we are asked the question as to whether we should prepare for such eventualities or, as they do not occur every single year, just put up with the chaos for a week or two, on a one-to-one basis. Having said that the cost to the country must be enormous. For example, thousands of small businesses must have been heavily hit yesterday in the last Saturday before Christmas.

 Similarly hit have been the big shopping malls – for example, Brent Cross, one of our largest was closed all day. (One estimate I heard today was £1 billion per day, which in the these tough times we can ill afford)

Other countries, such as Sweden, with which I am a little familiar, having stayed there on a number of occasions with Michael, my Australian doctor friend, copes with precisely this sort of problem every year, as a matter of form. Indeed, I understand that every vehicle has to fit snow tyres on 1 September, each year, or face a heavy fine if they are caught without having. done so. As a person who suffers terribly from the cold I was amazed at how I coped with minus 20°C in Sweden, without feeling the tiniest bit cold. Whereas here, in the UK any  sub-freezing temperature seemed to go right through me. I think it’s something to do with the greater humidity in this country. Mind you, it did get down to -26°C in one part of Scotland last night-pretty chilly!

Today is meant to be our neighbourhood Christmas party which is held each year in the village hall. Although we all live within the space of a couple of hundred yards most of us do not see each other from one year to the next. However we are ostensibly a Neighbourhood Watch, keeping an eye on each other’s properties wheN one or other of us is away. The idea of the get-together at Christmas was, of course, to be friendly, and  to familiarised ourselves with each other. Everyone takes some sort of contribution, a bottle of wine, a plate of  sausage rolls or home-made mince pies, and so on and a jolly time is had by all. However with the roads  silent through lack of traffic and a few inches of snow covering every surface under which there is undoubtedly treacherous ice,’ my lovely’ has made it clear that she has no intention of pushing me down in the wheelchair, that is even if the event is still on. (Apparently it was on, but heaven knows how many people managed to get there, the icy roads were lethal)

18 December 2010

I brush over England’s performance in the third Test at the WACA in Perth Australia. Let us say that it turned out to be one of the worst defeats we have ever suffered at the hands of our old enemy. Australia gloriously snatched victory out of the jaws of almost failure. Suffice it to say that we lost comprehensively and the series is now all square with two Tests to come.

Although I lived in Australia for 4 ½. years I worked in every state capitol except Perth. This city is, as most people know, the furthest distance apart, in any part of the world, from another city in the same country, over 2000 miles. I was determined to remedy this omission by visiting Perth and did so, four or five years ago, when I stayed with my good friend Karyl Nairn’s parents, Mal and Ann, who live, in a lovely comfortable house, between Perth and Fremantle. (Karyl, an international lawyer, was very largely responsible for funding the production of The Fisssion and Chip Case, I mentioned yesterday, which we mounted in Budapest, as well as playing a leading role as president of the Intergalactic Arbitration Centre! and adding a great deal of humour to the script.) I could certainly consider living in this beautiful city it wasn’t so far from the other Australian cities. To give you some idea. it’s about as far from Melbourne as Moscow is from London, with a three hour time zone difference.

Mal qualified as a vet and is part owner of a vineyard and winemaking business which I visited -very good wine it was too. He also has ‘a spread’. outback at which I was also privileged to stay .

Much of Perth is overlooking the sea and there are some wonderful harbour dwellings, second only, to my mind, to those around Sydney Harbour. The only drawback of living there being that is so far away from any other part of civilised Australia.

The Nairn’s had a self-contained granny annexe in which I stayed. I was therefore free to come and go through my own front door without disturbing the family, which is in a civilised way of staying with people. Having said that Mal and Ann, who are the nicest couple you would ever wish to meet, very generously invited me to join them for most meals, and even more friendly,  invited me to join them on Friday night for a informal supper in front of the TV for the important weekly ‘footy’ match. You can take it that you have ‘arrived’, in Australia if a family extends this sort of invitation.

The Nairn’s house was situated within walking distance of some fine beaches. I was surprised, on my first visit, walking along the beach to see a notice saying, You are now leaving the Family area and entering the Naturist beach. (Or words to that effect)  Such ‘nudy’ beaches are not uncommon in Australia, which surprisingly, seems to accept such things without being prudish (maybe this is down to the multicultural nature of the population after the massive immigration they have enjoyed over the past 50 years).

Most Australians seem to accept them for what they are, places where people are free to feel  the sun on their skin and swim, as God made them, in the sea like a fish. A unique and happy experience. As a lifelong naturist, I certainly enjoyed visiting the beach and found the Australian attitude to nudity, unlike that of the majority of the British, to be quite enlightening. Interestingly, this beach had several families of it, a number of them with young children as well as young couples and was not populated by weirdos, as ill informed people might believe. Whether or not the Nairn’s approved of my beach activities or not, I have no idea, however, I believe had they really disapproved I think they would have indicated somehow.. One thing, however, I know Mal will thoroughly approve of,  is Australia’s thrashing the English at cricket, particularly on his home ground, at which, I have no doubt, he was present and revelling in it.

I should perhaps add, for the benefit of my family and my closest friends, that my naturist  tendencies were generally only exercised in private, mainly in my garden at home, behind a 6 foot high large circular screen. Yes, on a hot summer’s day (will they ever come again?) my friends and colleagues may well have heard the sound of birdsong in the background and wondered where on earth I was. All I can say is that thank goodness they were not video calls on Skype! I think the only public appearances I made were on the special beaches, both in Sydney and Melbourne. It’s amazing how very quickly you get used to the sight of naked people, of all shapes and sizes, some of them are really aren’t shapes  not really very beautiful! (In fact, of all living animals I think that humans are the least attractive!) Even some of the most modest and shy people, I have known, I found very quickly acclimatise themselves to the other naked people and lose their initial embarrassment I believe that the world is divided between those people, like me, who have a genuine need of the benefits of naturism, or  indeed not only the benefit, but indeed the, need for the vitamin D,  they derive from the sun, and the rest. We are  medically classified as S.A.D.-suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder-but there is a propensity for labelling every human condition. I am not winter person, if I had my way,. I would happily hibernate, in a warm cosy place, rather like a mole, from November to February

17 December 2010

Great dramas continued throughout the night at this time nothing to do with the respirator. This time it was a cricket. For going along from what I am absolutely certain winning position, 78 without loss, England were suddenly all out for 187, 81 behind Australia’s first innings score. The damage being caused by, Johnson, the bowler that the Australians had left out for the Adelaide test, who was at one stage 5 wickets the 20 runs, ended up with a staggering 6 wickets 38 runs.

So the Australians took to the field again and got stuck in. Although they lost three wickets they still ended the day with 119 runs on the board,  an overall lead of 200 and still three days to go. There will clearly be a result this time.

So convinced was one Sydney bookmaker that England were certain to retain the Ashes, that he started paying out on bets to the tune of something like $A400,000 let us hope he was right and doesn’t live to regret his impetuous decision

Another treat for me today. Another solicitor old friend, Rowan Planterose, braved the elements to come and take me to lunch at the Cricketers pub. When I go back a long way and have collaborated on a number of occasions. I suppose the two classic ones were the cross-examination in my book The Sanctuary House Case, which we did together as if it were a live case. The other, even more memorable collaboration, was Rowan playing the part of a green faced, orange haired alien from the planet Pluto, in my intergalactic arbitration teaching play, The Fisssion Chip Case, set in the year 2084, which we put on in Budapest, to test the delegates knowledge of the United Nations Model Law. He has been a very good friend to me over my professional career

16 December 2010

Apologies yet again to my non-cricket loving readers but in the early hours of this morning the third of the five Test Matches between England and Australia, commenced in Perth and, of course, I listened, on and off, all night.. England started off staggeringly well, dismissing the first five Australian wickets for 69 runs. Then the Australians mounted a counter attack and managed to drag the score to 268, all out. There were 12 overs left before close of play and captain Strauss and his fellow opener Cook, survived scoring 29 runs on the way. Certainly England’s day and if they win this test then  the last two are merely academic.

Yesterday, I spent most of the morning with Doreen, my secretary, literally catching up with paperwork. How complicated life is even when you are ostensibly retired, the paperwork keeps on rolling in and this is what is, laughingly called, the era of  the ‘paperless society’

Talking of the paperless society we are now in the Christmas card phase. A great number of my business colleagues, or friends  made through business, have opted to send e-cards this year (I did like the comment of one of these friends/colleagues who wrote ’I am not prepared to send an e-card which sings “Yule be Happy” while Santa flashes his baubles, although it would not entirely surprise me to find that the official (his firm’s) version did precisely that’.. Indeed, I sent a couple hundred or so myself last year. It took me less than an hour and they went all over the world at virtually no expense. Compare that with not only buying the cards but also the cost of postage, which itself can be prohibitive. I assuaged my conscience on this score by making a donation to my favourite charity The Salvation Army. On the home front, Alice, has always dealt with the Christmas card list, sending cards to approximately  150 family and friends. However, this year the number will be substantially reduced as the poor old thing is under great pressure in so many directions. I am sure most people will understand if, even after so many years, this year they do not receive a card from us.

Great dramas at the end of the day. When I came to go to bed we couldn’t get the respirator to work. Fortunately we had an emergency number but even after several telephone discussions with the staff nurse at the other end Alice was unable to resolve the problem. Papworth then volunteered to send another machine which arrived around an hour later. The courier confirmed that our machine wasn’t functioning properly, in fact, it seems to have got water into it from the humidifier which we hitched up a few days ago. In the event, all was well in the end and we got to bed,  albeit an hour to later than usual.

15 December 2010

Today started off badly. Unfortunately, I had a collapse moving from the breakfast table to my frame and ended up on the floor.  ‘My lovely’ kept her head and after scouting around outside for someone to give assistance and failing decided to see if we could use our standing hoist. Amazingly, she just managed to squeeze it through the arch from the kitchen into the breakfast room. Then, with a little manipulation the hoist did its job and hauled me to my feet. I was none the worse for wear although at one stage, with my foot had been bent under me on the fall, I wondered whether I’d done myself some sort of injury.

This whole business, however, was extremely encouraging as it means now that even if we have a fall outside the main rooms we can still use the hoist, with any luck, without involving a third party. I must admit I was extremely proud of my girl for managing all of this when it really is not her sort of scene.

We hung around this morning waiting for Lynn, our OT, who was due for a visit to make some more fittings for my wrists and hands. However, the poor thing was not in  fit and called off. Just as well as I cannot afford to catch any of these bugs are going about. Talking of bugs I gave Griggsy a ring and found him, out and about and so  well on the way to recovery.

I bought some books from Amazon today. ‘My lovely ‘ was against the idea when I told her that one of them, that would normally cost her £30, I could get for just over £18, with free delivery. She suspected that it was in some way a ‘second’, I just hope it that arrives here in time for Christmas as it is at present. Let’s face it, Alice is always suspicious about a bargain! Whilst I was on the Internet I bought three audio books for £2 each. A Ruth Rendell, a Le Carre and the book about Australia entitled Down Under. Marvellous value. The only problem with audio books is that I tend to listen to them with my eyes closed and then 10 minutes later realise I, had dropped off and having missed the plot. Whilst I was on Amazon I also looked at the 1500 or so free books that they offer for anyone who has the Kindle Software.. There are a great number of classics amongst them and also some other rather than obscure titles that look rather than fun and the extraordinary thing is that they really are free and therefore quite a good way of whiling away a wet or cold afternoon

The day finished, rather as it had begun, on a disappointing note. At six o’clock, when I went for my evening ‘walk’, I failed to get out of my NHS Lounge chair, even with ‘my lovely’ assisting me with the lifting belt. I slipped and remained precariously perched on the edge of the chair, while Alice quickly wheeled in the standing hoist which we managed to use to correct the situation. However, this is the first time have we needed to do this and I really hope it is not the beginning of a new ritual. Encouragingly, when it came to going to bed I did manage to get up as usual.

14 December 2010

This was my big day at the golf club. the Christmas lunch for the Tuesday Geriatric club.

It  thought it was still a rather chilly so I decided not to go up the early and travel around in the buggy but just arrive for lunch. In retrospect I think I made a mistake, as it turned out to be a lovely day, there was even a little sunshine at Worlington. I remember those crisp winter day’s, I really did love playing in that weather.

Barry picked me up about 11.15 arriving at the club at midday, a little before the first of the brave souls who had been playing came into lunch. Scott was on parade and quickly took over from Barry to get me into the clubhouse. Unfortunately, the first ramp that Scott had had made turned out to be slippery so he quite sensibly rejected it and another one should be in position fairly soon. However Scott had no difficulty in tilting the chair over the entrance steps.

I sat amongst the gang as they all came in and had drinks before lunch. There must have been upwards of 40 of us in all. Sadly, Griggsy did not turn up and I learned afterwards that he was in bed with a cold. Luckily for me my dear friend Alex ( Sexton) took on the role of mother and looked after me. Cutting up my food and occasionally shovelling it onto the spoon when he saw I was having difficulty etc. To a man the members are really helpful. David (Biddle) kindly collected my food for me. Anyone who’s around seems to sense when I need help and is stepping quietly and unobtrusively and get on with it.

The food was traditionally roast beef and Yorkshire pudding and I must say that the beef was the best I think I have ever tasted. The chef surpassed himself. As Alex said the beef cut like butter even with the blunt table knife. Although the geriatrics normally only get one course the girls (and I suppose I must now say and the chef, being the first time we’ve had a man in the kitchen for at least 30 years) gave us all a treat and included Christmas pudding, mince pies and some fruit salad. I greedily and all three on the same plate. It was delicious. As usual we had some modest wine with our lunch and then, being Christmas, finished off with a large Kummell.

Scott wheeled me out after lunch and skilfully placed me into George (Bull’s) Mercedes. We were fortunate that George had brought son Rupert with him so that when we arrived home, between them, they manage to get me from the car to the wheelchair and then in the house and up onto my frame. A pretty successful outing altogether and one while I really didn’t want to miss.

I gave a large box of chocolates for ‘the girls’ (as indeed I have done over the past several years) and a bottle of whiskey for Scott, to show my appreciation for all they have done for me over the past year. Modest gifts but,  at least, a  gesture.

13 December 2010

Yesterday early, off to Papworth Hospital, by ambulance – with two very nice lady ambulance attendants, who took it in turns to drive, very well I thought- having spent the night plugged into the Oximeter, designed to measure the amount of saturated oxygen in my lungs. The tests were the usual ones plus an assessment of how I had been managing with the Nippy respirator. I’m glad to say they discontinued the rather horrid injection they used to make into the artery in my arm to measure the saturated oxygen in my lungs I am pleased to say they now do it through puncturing your earlobe, which I imagine is no more painful than having your ears pierced, anyway, the outcome of that particular test showed a very slight drop but nothing to be alarmed about

The other tests, to my mind, were disappointing although the very pleasant Dr Mike Davis was quite sanguine about them. My Forced Vital Capacity (FVC) which started off in September 2008 at 3 ½. litres, had dropped to 2.15 L on 23 August and was now down to 1.8 litres or 53.6% of what one might expect for a man of my age. Dr Davis said not to place too much emphasis on these figures. He even knew patients whose FVC was  as low as 40% who had not required any respiratory intervention and others with it as high as 80%, who did. Nevertheless, taking the norm, once one dropped below 50% as a generality this would be the point at which one might need some intervention during the daytime. Having said that Dr Davis said that he could not detect any change in my voice or swallowing and he was fairly confident, although, of course, he could not be absolutely certain, he thought things will continue pretty much as they are now, for a little while yet. The drop in FVC tended to be rather sharp to begin with, he said, and then flatten out. In any event, he did not wish to see me for another three months so I have a little longer to go yet.

I suppose the most alarming aspect of the visit was that I had to bring home yet another gadget- an attachment for the Nippy. In fact, it is a humidifier through which the air passes before going into the face mask. It’s really not too difficult to attach but for my dear, mechanically challenged, Alice, it is just one more thing. Mike Davis also prescribed some different nose drops which he hopes will help that particular problem.

I asked Mike what would happen if I got a bad cold, would I still be able to breathe under the mask?. He assured me that I would. Indeed, even if the Nippy failed completely and the emergency battery did not kick in (most unlikely), he assured me that the face mask  was designed in such a way as to allow you to continue to breath, which to some extent was reassuring, provided I could twist around and press my alarm to be rescued from the flat position in bed from which, I have found  in the past, I was gasping like a fish out of water. Mike was keen that having got used to the respirator I should continue to use it at night towards the time when it would become a necessity during the day, perhaps with the addition of oxygen.

All in all more alarming on paper than it seems in reality. From my viewpoint comparing today with 23 August, just over five months ago, with the FVC at 53.6% against 64%; the FEVi at 47.4% against 59.3% and the VC dropping to 49.1% compared with 65.5% in August, all looked a little alarming. However Mike’s view was that there appeared to be no change in my voice or swallowing and therefore despite these, what I considered to be fairly dramatic drops, he was not currently too concerned about the disease imminently attacking my throat.

I realised today how very fortunate I was to be treated at the world-famous Papworth Hospital. The good ladies in the ambulance told me that people come from all over the country for the expertise of the staff there, particularly in matters of the heart and lungs – matters of the heart make it sound like a dating agency. What I should have said more correctly was cardiac (heart transplants) and respiratory and sleep problems. Indeed, on a number of occasions the ambulance picks up people from Heathrow who have come from all corners of the earth to benefit from the reputation of this fine hospitaln

12 December 2010

A bad night last night. My shoulder and hip were very painful   and it kept me awake, so the new combination of painkillers is not really working. I’m off to Papworth hospital tomorrow for my six weekly assessment so will take it up with them.

 In the early hours of the morning, a couple of nights ago, once the effect of the sleeping tablets had worn off, I was listening to the programme on the BBC World Service about corruption and bribery. Most of the people interviewed, who were involved in multi-million pound deals overseas, had admitted that, in some way or another, they had been involved in transactions which were clearly not entirely legal. Although one senior executive, of a major oil company, said he would have absolutely nothing to do with any company that demanded a bribe but,  the other people who were interviewed  appeared were honest enough to say that they observed  the old saying ‘When in Rome do as the Romans do‘. The point being that unless you do, you are unlikely get any business.

This then is a moral dilemma for companies which rely upon export business. At the lower end of the scale there are a number of countries in Europe where the public servants or administrative staff are paid so little that they rely upon what might be called ‘ fees’, paid to oil the wheels, to supplement their income.

Should you steadfastly refuse to be involved in such practices and deny yourself whatever it was you were seeking permission for or should you metaphorically shrug your shoulders and say to yourself, when in Rome? and it’s no good complaining to someone superior, as they are all at it. We experienced this, a few years ago, when my dear wife was trying to find the grave of her great, Great aunt, who had been one of the grand old English ladies who had settled down in Sienna at the turn of the 20th century. .

On the far more serious side are the amounts paid to procure some multi-million, or today  billion pound contracts. In effect, it works like this. Your company proves to have the lowest tender and you meet up with the executives on the other side to be given this good news. You are then informed that your tender needs to be inflated by X million in order to meet various fees and to ensure that the right people give permission etc etc. Of course, at the end of the day this extra money would be paid to you and then returned via interim certificates or whatever. In any event, your company would end up  financially neutral on the deal. Should you involve yourself in this situation?, and most people would say no, but then, in that case, forget doing business overseas

Listening to this in the middle of the night, I then asked myself had I ever been involved in what could be called corruption or bribery. After all I had worked overseas for a number of years including almost 5 years in Arabia. Looking back I have to admit that there had been two or three occasions with which I had not been entirely happy..

The first occurred when I was the sole resident partner in Southern Arabia running a practice involving building works throughout the Persian Gulf as well as Somalia and Ethiopia. I was only 25 at the time.

On my first Christmas there,  one of the contractors, with whom I was dealing, sent me a very expensive present, from  Aspreys, in London,’”to celebrate the birth of Christ” . (As it was, it was a rather ostentatious jade and gold pen set and stand which was not entirely to my taste, in any event). What to do? Was this a bribe? , as my firm was responsible for valuing and paying millions of pounds to this particular contractor. Or, was he genuinely religious and really did, wish me well and want me to celebrate the birth of Christ. It just happened that his brother was the Minister of Immigration, responsible for issuing my work permit, which was shortly to come up for renewal. Had I returned this present peremptorily, on the assumption it was an attempted bribe, I could well have given great offence and I might well have found that my work permit was not renewed and I would have to return to the UK.

I. thought about this long and hard and decided to wait until, Id, the end of Ramadan at which point I sent this contractor a present, equally as flamboyant as his own, of similar value, to celebrate his holy holiday. At the same time I returned his present explaining that it was a rule of my particular firm that no partner or employee was permitted to accept gifts beyond a nominal cost. I went on to say I hoped he would understand and would not be offended etc. If it had been a bribe I was never ever approached again during the 4 ½. years that I spent there.

The second occasion was in connection with a school, for which I was responsible, that was being built in Somalia using World Bank money. We had been out to tender and  had accepted the lowest but for some reason the contractor delayed moving onto site and starting the job. When I got impatient with the member of staff dealing with this project and asked the reason for the delay I was told that there was a telegraph pole in the middle of the site and that until it was removed the contractor could not take possession. Then remove it, I said. It’s not as simple, I was told.  Apparently the problem was that it was a custom in that country that a senior official in the Ministry of Telecommunications had to be paid the equivalent of £50 per telegraph pole which had to be moved. This was certainly not an official fee and could well be said to be a bribe.

I had no hesitation in saying, on that occasion, for goodness sake pay it and get on and build the school. That school has now been running for over 50 years and accounted for the education of 10,000 local children. Surely that was worth £50

The third incident I can recall involved a six acre development site in an ancient city in a European country which I shall decline from naming. Not only was this an enormous site but it was in a prime position in the city. Rather like being given Piccadilly Circus and Trafalgar Square to redevelop. At that stage, in the late 60’s, I was a director of an international property company and inherited this site from one of the other directors. When I took over I soon discovered that we only owned 89.3% of the land. This was a country in which it was possible to have a flying freehold. For example, one old lady had a flat on the third floor, a lavatory on the first floor and owned part of the backyard. It was my job to increase our holding to 100% before we could start work. I was to be the project director for the development.

I used to go across to Europe every three weeks or so to check on progress and the meetings were attended by half a dozen or so lawyers. Early on I was told, by the lawyer retained by us, that there were ‘certain fees’ that needed to be paid in order to obtain the necessary permissions. I gathered privately that these were to be paid to the church; the Mafia!; the mayor; the Minister of planning and so on, and without payment of these ‘fees’, I was told, we were unlikely to be able to progress with the scheme. We had already invested some millions in this project, perhaps naïvely, but nevertheless we were committed unless we were prepared to walk away and lose our investment..

 I consulted with my senior directors and agreed that provided the bottom line made sense after payment of these fees, then we should proceed  . We  added a figure at the end of the   feasibility study called ‘ special fees’ which would be given to our lawyer, who enjoyed a good reputation, and told him that we did not  wish to know any further details as to whom these fees were paid and in what amounts.. Who is to say whether these were genuine fees or bribes? In any event, the key issue was that nothing ever stuck to my hands. In other words ‘my hands were clean’ and so was my conscience, but did I get involved in bribery and corruption?, quite possibly.

Some 20 odd years ago I was invited to write and deliver a three-day course to the entire judicature of an African country. Some 200 odd judges from the Supreme Court down to the magistrates turned up and I recall being hustled by protesters, one of whom handed me a badge, which I still have today, and on which was written Why Hire a Lawyer When You Can Buy a Judge?  I was meant to believe that this was the way of things in this African country, although, I can honestly say I never personally became aware of any such perversion of the course of justice.