The Sneeze
A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane.
The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.
Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before, she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, “I couldn’t help but notice that you’ve sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you OK?”
“I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm.”
The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. “I have never heard of that condition before” he said. “Are you taking anything for it?”
The woman nodded, “Pepper.”
29 November 2010
Right, enough of sport.
Yesterday I had my first Skype video call to Fred, my grandson and little Lara, who was in the background. It really is the most wonderful way of communicating, particularly as I can no longer travel to see them as I used every six weeks or so. I hope that we may make this a fairly regular event.
Today I had another training session for voice activation provided by Charlie from AbilityNet. With my hands weakening by the day, particularly when I’m tired, it is going to become absolutely essential for me to master as many commands as I can from the Dragon programme. I have to resist the temptation of using my one weakening finger and at least try to achieve my goal using my voice. Looking at the list of commands I know that this will be possible but it will take some discipline on my part. Fortunately Charlie is coming back next week to give me a further lesson.
28 November 2010
This was a night well worth being awake for. One of the most exciting final days of a Test match cricket, I, or anyone else for that matter, can remember. From what looked an absolutely hopeless position Cock and Trott batted all day, both not out, Cook with 235 and Trott with 135. England finished with a score of 517 before declaring about half an hour before tea. A number of long-standing records tumbled. Probably their most interesting one was England’s top three all scoring centuries for only the second time in their Test history.: The only previous occasion was at Lord’s in 1924 against South Africa, when Jack Hobbs, Herbert Sutcliffe and Frank Woolley made hundreds in a match England won by an innings and 18 runs. Who said watching cricket is like watching paint dry!
There really wasn’t very much hope of bowling out Australia but it was worth a try. In the event they lost only one wicket and ended the day with 106 runs and a drawn match. This sets the fascinating scene for the remaining four Tests to come.
The final of the APT masters tennis between Nadal, number one in the world, and the former number one Federer was somewhat of a damp squib.
Although Nadal managed to win the second set by breaking Federer service, Federer hardly break into a sweat to win two sets to one. Interestingly, these two have met on 21 previous occasions 14 of which were won by Nadal, although this is a little misleading as 10 of them were on clay courts which is not Federer’s favourite surface.
27 November 2010
I thoroughly recommend the regular reader who is not sports minded to skip the next two days. The entries will be all about the battle between England and Australia for the cricket Ashes with a smattering of rugby union and the APT tennis Masters in the O2 Stadium in London. Instead, I recommend those readers to take time to look at some of the very beautiful photographs and videos embedded in the diary. Unfortunately, I’ve not yet cracked how to ensure that they all appear in their own sections as well as in the body of the diary but I will hopefully do so in the near future. Many of these photographs and videos are truly inspirational and make you feel good just by looking at them. So, to the sport.
Yesterday saw the beginning of the much anticipated Ashes cricket series against Australia at the Gabba in Brisbane. England had it’s, now almost to be expected, shaky start with Capt Strauss being out third ball. There was a minor recovery to 197  for 5 before  the new young Australian bowler, Siddle, achieved a rare test hat-trick dismissing three of the English team for no score. Siddle went on to take one further wicket giving him a grand total for his debut of six wickets for 54 and leaving England with a rather poor 260 all out.
Australia survived, was left of the day, without losing a wicket and went on, in the early hours of this morning (UK time) getting to 167 for four which was all very encouraging for England. Then Hussey and Haddin put on 307 (Hussey195 and Haddin 136) Once Haddin was caught in the slips off Swann, Australia lost its last five wickets for 31 runs..
England,, in fact, bowled extremely well, particularly Anderson, who was unrewarded. The star of the show was young Finn, who notched up six wickets. Late afternoon, Australia was all out for 481, a lead of 221. England survived the last half hour or so of the day without loss scoring 19 runs but not before Strauss alarmed us all by being appealed lbw on the first ball which fortunately was turned down on review.. It would be  an escape worthy of Houdini if England managed to achieve a draw which is the best they can hope for. This is all very disappointing as, on their recent performance, England looked as though they had a very good chance of retaining the Ashes by winning, or at least drawing this series. It’s early days yet, and there are four more Test matches in this series to go, but this is not a good start
With a dusting of snow seen through the window it was a good day to closet oneself in the study with the television and watch Wales against New Zealand in the Rugby Union (Wales being beaten comprehensively). In the tennis  England’s tennis hope Murray (he is actually Scottish) played a fantastic game against the world number one, Rafa Nadal. .
It was probably one of the best matches ever and there was absolutely nothing between the players that but Nadal triumphed in three sets. Tomorrow he will play Federer in the final which again should be a superb match.
26 November 2010
Yesterday’s mention of Cecilia Gordon — my erstwhile piano teacher — prompted me to dig into my autobiographical notes and recount the rather sad history of my piano playing.
I was at a supper party one day, in my 40th year, and a discussion ensued about playing the piano. I heard myself say how much I would love to be able to play myself. I had, in fact, started once in my teens, but, having no piano of our own I was forced to practice on a friend’s. After a couple weeks his mother could stand it any longer and my piano playing aspirations withered.
On the way home from that dinner party, musing on the things that we had discussed, I realized what a stupid comment I had made in saying how much I would love to be able to play. If I really wished I could learn to play the piano, what was stopping me? The following day I bought a piano and signed up with the local  piano teacher for lessons. I decided that I would get up every day at six o’clock and practice for 40 minutes. I would give myself 10 years to see if I could reach a reasonable level of competence. After a year or so I entered for my Grade 1 examination.. I was extremely nervous. I remember that my ‘big’ piece was called something like Swans and Ducks, which I practiced assiduously, for weeks, before the big day.
The day of the examination arrived. I presented myself at the Village Hall, along with a half a dozen toddlers taking the same examination.. When it came to my turn I entered the examination with trepidation. I marched up to the invigilator, who was busy recording the efforts of the last examinee. I stuck out my hand which she ignored as she continued to write. She impatiently waved me away in the direction of the piano. I sat down on the stool and found that I could not get my knees under the keyboard. The stool was, not surprisingly, far too high as the last hopeful had been little more than 3 feet tall. I spent the next few minutes working myself up into a muck sweat trying to wind it down.
By this time the invigilator was getting ready impatient and told me, rather peremptorily, “to get on with it.â€Â She immediately demanded an arpeggio, from the top down and up. I had only been taught to play them from the bottom up and down, so was immediately thrown off my stride.Â
I fumbled my way through that and the scales and so on, until I came to my ‘big’ piece. Somehow I struggled through it until I got to the last eight bars by which time I could not recognize a single note. All I could see were, what looked like, black inkblots.
I achieved a score on 101 marks -the pass mark being 100. So my piano career was off to a stumbling start. I continued to practice daily, as I had promised myself, and after 10 years reached Grade 5 level. I then assessed my competence and decided that I would murder the instrument no longer, and have never played a note since.Â
The piano was shortly after purloined by my musical daughter and I’m pleased to say that grandson Fred has just taken ( Mar.2009) his Grade 1 piano exam, and hopefully passed with flying colours.
Chris Wix returned yesterday to install the generator which  hopefully will soon be up and running, as the weather threatens to turn nasty at the weekend. There is a possibility of a heavy snowfall which is frequently a cause of power failure.
A naughty joke to finish off today’s entry. The Sneeze.
25 November 2010
I have been very remiss with regard to another MND sufferer — Patrick Joyce. Some months ago Patrick did me the honour of choosing me as one of the people whose portrait he would paint in a series of 100 Extreme Optimists. He did indeed paint my portrait – but more like a jolly caricature – and this, and the other 15 or so, can be seen on Patrick’s website, http://patricktheoptimist.org/. It is amazing that Patrick can still draw and paint so precisely with his weakening and curling hands. He tells me it is a painstaking process and he has to go over the same lines, time and time, again until he is satisfied.
As you will see from his site `Patrick is an extraordinary young man, stricken them down at far too young an age, with three young children, but bravely battling on with the support of two obviously wonderful parents. The Extreme Optimists enterprise of 100 portraits was a target he set for himself before the disease overcomes him. I certainly wish him well and hope he manages to achieve his target.
Patrick suffers from the same problems as I do. His hands are curling up and he has one finger which he uses to type..
However, he finds that the other fingers get in the way, so he has designed what he calls a Splint Glove and there is a little video of this invention on his site.
My regular readers may recall me mentioning my Bionic Gloves (See 23 January 2009 entry) which I am sad to say got no further than the drawing board. At least Patrick got on and made something that works, with, I suspect, a great deal of help from his dad. I too have just one finger left with which to prod the laptop but this finger itself is becoming weaker by the day. To overcome that I have had made an individual splint which fits under the finger keeping it fairly straight. It works after a fashion. Of course, all of my so-called typing is done by voice activation using Dragon Naturally Preferred 10. I certainly could not envisage tapping out my fairly lengthy entries one letter at a time . In theory I should be able to do absolutely everything by voice but for some actions, like ‘ drag and drop’, I still need two fingers.. In fact, I have consultant, from AbilityNet, coming to see me on Monday to give me a couple of hours further training on voice activation, dealing with some of the more complex manoeuvres, particularly those involved in keeping this blog up to date.
Reverting to Patrick for a moment, he has been part of a medical trial taking place in Oxford, over the past two years, which appears now to have made a breakthrough and identified, what he calls a biomarker, which, presumably is giving an indication of the cause of MND in any particular person. If you are interested see Patrick’s blog for yourself. I will include the address as a link on my own blog when I can work out how to do it.
At lunchtime today, Lynn, our new OT, came to see us, sensibly to discuss the next stage of using the bathroom, Â as and when I lose the strength in my legs. The point being that there is a special wheelchair which fits over the WC and doubles up as a shower chair. The problem being that there is a waiting list of several weeks to obtain this piece of equipment so Lynn is planning well ahead. She made some useful comments about the ramp into the bathroom and also produced some cutlery which can be strapped to my right hand instead of relying upon my weakening fingers to hold it. For all of which we are grateful. (Having said that we tried it for the evening meal and found it difficult to get the attached spoon into the plate. The trouble is everyone’s hands are different and it’s just a matter of trial and error which is the best method of feeding yourself).
Mid-afternoon, one of what we have come to call ‘the old faithfuls’, Douglas Gordon, dropped for a chat. Douglas and his wife Cecilia (my erstwhile piano teacher. Her parents showing a great deal of foresight when they christened her, as St Cecilia is the Patron Saint of Music). Douglas and Cecilia celebrated their golden wedding anniversary this very day. Longevity of marriage is par for the course for all of our ‘old faithfuls’, who comprise half a dozen couples who have lived here, or hereabouts, for the last 40 odd years or so.. I suppose we were part of that generation that adhered to our wedding vows ‘for better or for worse, in sickness or in health’, and have remained with our first choice of partner. Unlike today’s young people who might live together for years unmarried, despite having children, and then split up when they ‘fall in love’, usually with a younger model! A great mistake.
I can say, from personal experience, that nothing can beat the companionship which develops, between two people, over half a century.
24 November 2010
Another uncomfortable night with painful joints, despite increasing the dosage of Ibrufen (anti-inflammatory painkiller) to 600 m.g. I will give it another week or so on this dosage and if there is no improvement, check with Dr Chris Allen, my MND assessment team leader, to see if this is a normal symptom of MND or my stage.
We had a delivery of heating oil earlier in the week and I was pretty shocked at the price per litre of .46p.
This prompted me to look back on my record over the years where I have noted, on a single sheet, the price per litre and any particular reason for that price. My first entry is 3 November 1983 when I paid 18.5p. The price rose to 22.9 pence in March ‘85 during the three-day week and the miners strike, in the UK.. In July 1986 the price went down to 9.85p. due to a world oil glut.
The price per litre rose steadily until January 1991 when the 12 day, first Gulf war, caused the price to increase  to 16.9 pence. It was down in the years ‘93 to ‘98 floating between 11 and 13 pence. On 13 December 1998  it slipped to 9.7 pence, again, according to my annotation, because of the low price of oil, worldwide. The next significant cost was 21.5 p on 12 December 2001 when America suffered a terrorist attack. With the threat of a second Gulf War on 12 September 2002 the price was 17.05 pence.. From that point on the price seems to have risen inexorably. For example, in November 2005 it was 32.79 and reached 56 pence per litre in August 2006 when, I seem to recall, the price per barrel of oil exceeded $140. This being so I am told by my supplier that I am fortunate, today, in only having to pay,.46 p. per litre. That may well be so but with a tank holding around 2200 litres, and requiring two fill ups per year, that still amounts to around £2000. This on top of an annual electricity bill of around £1500 makes a nonsense of the £200 Winter Fuel Allowance generously given to pensioners by our government.
The generator was returned today fully serviced ready to be plumbed in tomorrow. Jane came to babysit me whilst Alice went off to do her own thing including, no doubt, inevitably something for me.
Do sports drinks really work? Watch this video and judge for yourself (sportsdrink.wmv)
23 November 2010
Again a day of activity. Chris Camp came round, early morning, to the erect the metal shelter I purchased to house the generator.
All being well the other Chris (Rix), the electrician will be here tomorrow to install the unit. Not before time as heavy snow is forecast towards the end of the week.
Although this may not mean inevitably that we will all suffer from a power cut I recall in the early 60’  being stranded overnight in the Adney’s house, on the edge of Newport village, some 2.2 miles distant, with a number of other people due, to a 12’ 0†deep snowdrift blocking the road to Clavering. The thing about this village is, it is my understanding that it stands around 600 feet above sea level and each of the three roads leading out of it involves a fairly steep hill with a dip at the bottom, which, following a heavy snowfall, can readily get blocked. If the snow is countrywide, as it was on this occasion, then the snowploughs obviously have to concentrate on the main roads first and the small country roads can well be left a day or two before they can get round to them. Again, I recall another year in the 60’s when we were snowed in for three days. With these memories and therefore the prospect,, however remote, of a lengthy power cut – the last one, only a year or two ago, lasted 27 hours – our own generator seems an essential, rather than a luxury.
The boys,’Bill and Ben’, came round mid-morning to remove the ramps to my office. Ostensibly, just for the winter to be returned when the weather improves in the spring. I have a sinking feeling that this is just another nail in my coffin and will I ever get back into my office? I make this rather distressing comment in the light of the continuing weakness in my limbs. For the past couple of years I have done exercises to keep the legs and arms muscles going as best I can. This morning, for the first time, I was unable to raise my left leg 6 inches off the bed and hold it there for six seconds, as I have done in the past. These exercises themselves are an excellent guide to me as to my rate of deterioration.
After lunch, Althea, came round to cut my toe and fingernails and coincided with the beginning of the tennis match between Murray and Federer which I had promised myself I would watch. Fortunately I missed little more than the knock-up. In the event, it was a rather boring, Murray was white washed by Federer, his heart just didn’t seem to be in it. What is it with our British tennis players?
22 November 2010
The tiny baby,  now a 6 3â€,46-year-old, came to lunch with Kimberly, his wife, on Sunday. It was great to see them and Kimberly was looking lovelier than ever.
Today was one of those days of coming and goings. First of all, early morning, Graham Smith, our neighbour -who is now working in Zürich –  who has been helping me with my blog, dropped in for a final session but unfortunately my domain was down so we really didn’t achieve anything.
Then Gavin, from Able 2, came to adjust my armrest which has not been functioning properly for a week or so. He did a good job and strengthened the lift function making it now much easier for me to eat one handed. I can also use this armrest on my right arm when accessing keys on the right-hand side of the laptop.
Just after lunch the housing for the generator arrived, so hopefully there is a chance that  it might be up and functioning by the end of this week or early next week. The weather has already started to turn rather nasty and cold and ‘ my lovely’ has strongly ‘suggested’ I do not go to golf tomorrow and risk catching cold. (She who must be obeyed!)
Finally, Jane (the sheep). arrived to release Alice, for three or four hours local shopping. Each time she comes, Jane massages my hands, with an aromatic oil, in an attempt to remove some of the build-up of fluid and then stretches each arm above my head to keep the joint supple. Even a couple of times a week seems to be doing some good.
Apparently, Rosamund Lupton, author of the Sister – which is causing quite a stir, in the book world – had a radio interview today in Dubai with Matthew Cowdrey, Magrudy’s, Book Range Manager, which I had been instrumental in setting up, through my good friend Jeremy Brinton, who is the CEO. By all accounts the interview went well but should any of you wish to listen to  it yourself, particularly if you have read Rosamund’s book, you can do so by clicking on http://dubaieye1038.com/10246/books-3/ and listen to the last two segments.
For something entirely different you might care to watch an amusing video  EU1, where a financial expert is interviewed about the alarming debts run up by some of the EU countries, which left me with the impression that the whole pack of cards could come tumbling down at any time. I pray I am wrong.
19 November 2010
I had an interesting comment today from a lady in the USA whose husband suffers from MND. She was pointing out how very lucky we are in this country to have people who are prepared to visit us in our own home. For example, the reader will have noticed that over the past week or so I have received a visit from my GP for a general check-up and domiciliary visits from both a dentist and an optician. In addition, we have had our occupational therapist here and what I choose to call the incontinence lady. At this very moment I’m awaiting a visit from the district nurse who will take some blood for four tests ordered by the GP.
On Monday I am having a visit from the supplier of my articulated armrest -loaned to me by the MND Association – and sometime next week I can expect a visit from a consultant for further training in voice activation -again  from an associate of the MND Association.. All, I’m quick to add, all visits and equipment at no expense to me. When I do have to go to hospital then a community car or ambulance is provided, again this is free.  Bear in mind all of these visits are recent and, of course, there have been a number of other visits in the past. I simply could not manage to attend various clinics to attend to all of these matters, some of which, in any event, some of which concern equipment in the home. How on earth they manage in the USA with no home visits I cannot imagine. In any event I hope I’ve made it very clear how grateful I am for the care and attention that I get.
As I finished writing this last paragraph Claire, one of our district nurses, arrived here with a student nurse Mary – who comes from Zimbabwe.- to take blood. I told the girls I would mention them on my blog and Claire laughed and said that I had called her Carol last time, so apologies for that.
Speaking to Mary about Zimbabwe reminded me of the 2 ½. months polo tour I made from Muqdisho, Somalia to Cape Town in 1964, with a five week old Smiler. The poor lad had a rough start. First of all the Arab authorities in Aden insisted that he had a number of vaccinations — malaria; yellow fever; cholera; smallpox; rabies and something else. They were all combined in one huge syringe about the size of his arm. As a result he had a raging temperature in the boat from Aden to Somalia and we were kept up all night monitoring his progress. However he clearly survived. Then, a week or two later, ‘my lovely’ slipped on a steep path, in the Drakensburgs, Swaziland, Smiler shot out of her arms and landed on top of his relatively soft skull.. Alice was convinced that she had damaged him for life but fortunately it did not turn out to be the case.
A few weeks later I inadvertently crossed a main road in Bredasdorp – approx,200 kms/ south west of Cape Town – due to the road sign-writer being on holiday and not having written the word HALT on the road. We went under the trailer of a 40 ton roadster and the Alfa Romeo I was driving was dragged 20 yards down the hill. The car looks as though it had  been mangled by giant,  every piece of glass in the car was  shattered. Smiler, who had been blissfully asleep in his bassinet on the back seat,  had flown out of the passenger door, which had burst open on impact, and ‘ my lovely’  found him, on the road, 20 yards from the wreckage (I had gone through the windscreen and was unconscious at the time). Again, he was virtually unscathed. The only damage that he appeared to have suffered was a tiny dent over his left eye where he had hit the road, otherwise, no bruises, scratches or breaks. What a lucky lad. Clearly neither accident did him any long-term damage, brain-wise, or otherwise. He ended up at Cambridge University and managed to get a reasonable history degree as well as a half Blue in athletics.. Having said that I wouldn’t recommend this as a ideal way to treat a tiny baby!
D. Mark Cato
D. Mark Cato