Bank Holiday Monday, 31 May 2010
The day of the annual Clavering Village Fete fete. Sadly, what was 50 years ago, when we first came here, a small typical village affair, where rolling for a pig meant that the winner actually took home a little piglet and a tug-of-war was fought valiantly between teams from the two local pubs, has changed into a vast trade fair with noisy music and a beer tent, attracting thousands of people from far and wide — it has totally lost its charm and indeed its attraction for us me at least. Is it just that I am getting old?
In the end England has a handsome win against Bangladesh by eight wickets, although not without a struggle. The Bangladesh batting was tenacious.
My friend Paul pointed out, in an e-mail yesterday, something which I believe is not widely known, that Chris Broad’s (the England cricketer) wife, Miche, is suffering from a virulent form of MND. Chris, his son Stuart, and a number of his cricketing pals, many of them hopefully household names. are running a fundraising event Chris and Stuart Broad’s MND 6-a-side, cricket tournament at Wellesbourne CC in Warwickshire on July 19. All spectators are welcome. Turn up, give generously and thank your lucky stars that you have been spared this insidious disease.
30 May 2010
Son Smiler came down to lunch today and afterwards he wheeled his poor old dad around the village green for some fresh air and a change of scenery. This was he first time I’ve actually been out of the house in the wheelchair and hopefully, the last, after the cast has comes off, for sometime. Anyway it was great to see Smiler who seemed to be in good form.
29 May 2010
Life is made up with givers and takers. I am blessed in being surrounded by givers. My lovely wife, my son and daughter, St Michael (Dr Long) and Paul Newman, just to mention a few who have involved themselves in my life over the past few weeks with their generosity of love and spirit..
Sadly, I have to confess that I am one of the world’s takers. Not by choice, I might add. We are all the product of nature and nurture In my case lack of nurture at an early stage undoubtedly exerted a strong influence on this characteristic. Certainly, unwanted by a teenage mother; abandoned at birth by a father I was destined never to meet (at least they were married when I was born); farmed out to a boarding nursing home at 18 months, evacuated at five with a label around my neck with thousands of other children from London not knowing where I was going or with whom I would end up and from thence to a series of boarding schools until my mid teens. This ‘start in life’ undoubtedly instilled a sense of personal survival which, in turn, would have suppressed any natural tendency to give to others.,
I bear no grudges about this unpromising beginning but, I believe, it is not surprising that I find it harder to give rather to take. This goes through the whole gambit of material things as well as to love itself. As I have hopefully matured I have fought hard against this natural taking tendency but still do not give with the generosity of the natural giver, such as those I Â mentioned, do without a moment’s hesitation. Having said that I recognise how very lucky I am in the way things have turned out and 20 years ago made a conscious promise to myself that I would spend all the time I had left trying to help and give to others less fortunate than myself.
I suppose the start of this self-healing process was when I founded The Themanus Golfing Society. I was, at that time, the chief executive of what is now the Sanctuary Housing Association – one of the largest housing association in the country – and was conscious that there was a great divide between the housing movement and the quasi government officials from the Housing Corporation (HC), who doled out our money. In order to heal the breach I conceived the idea of an annual golf match between the chief executive of the HC,  his chief officers and the CEOs and their senior assistants from the 10 or so largest housing associations. I ran the first tournament 27 years ago at my club at Royal Worlington. Why Themanus, you might ask. For five years or so I maintained the myth that it derived from the Greek, and loosely translated meant  togetherness. An apposite name which described the purpose of the club. However, unable to contain the fiction any longer, after a five-year I  ultimately confessed that it actually stood for Them’an’Us.  It achieved its purpose and is still running today, although being out of the movement I am no longer President.
It was Mark Tulley’s, early Sunday morning programme on radio 4, Something Understood -this week entitled Sympathy in Choice, which  sparked off this train of thought.
In referring to the Roman Catholic priest and religious spiritual writer, Henri Nouwen he said that this priest . “saw our suffering, our brokenness and especially our fear of our worthlessness, as part of God’s plan for us. He believed that accepting that God had broken us, triggered the realisation that we are intended to live in sympathy with others. In his book ‘ Life of the Beloved -Spiritual Living in a Secular World’, Andre Nouwen wrote about our suffering, our brokenness when he said “we are chosen, blessed and broken so as to be given. What a wonderful mystery this is, our greatest fulfilment  lies in giving ourselves to others, although it often seems that people give only to receive. I believe, that beyond all our desires to be appreciated, rewarded, acknowledged. their lies a  simple and pure desire to give. I remember how I once spent long hours looking in Dutch stores for a birthday gift for my father or mother, simply enjoying being able to give. Our humanity comes to its fullest bloom in giving. It’s sad to see that in our highly competitive and greedy world we’ve lost touch with the joy of giving.
 We often live as if our happiness depended on having, but I don’t know anyone who is really  happy because of what he or she has. True joy, happiness and inner peace comes from the giving of ourselves to others. A happy life is a life for others. That truth, however, is usually discovered when we are confronted with our brokenness.
Being an atheist I clearly cannot believe in what Henri Nouwen describes as “God’s plan for us” but nevertheless I empathise and the relate to the sentiment expressed.
In most groups there is usually one obvious recalcitrant giver. The last man to go to the bar and say’ it’s my around does anyone want a drink’, only too aware that most of the group already have a full glass. Or, the person who others consider is rather introvert, who finds it hard to relate to other people and perhaps is unable to display affection with the ease expressed so  naturally by the much loved. When you come across a situation like this again, do not despise this individual, which is a perfectly normal reaction, but do quite the opposite. Give them a hug -either physically, or if the circumstances do not warrant it, metaphorically (I should hate to advise any of my readers on a course of action that might get them arrested for assault!) – made them feel wanted and loved, for almost certainly that is what that has been missing in their life. The extraordinary thing about the love is, that it is probably the only thing you can think of, that the more you give, the more it grows and the more you receive.
Other examples of personal manifestation of attempting to metamorphose from taker to giver, can be illustrated by two other events. The founding of The Arbitration Club, 20 years ago, when I coined the motto Excellence through Sharing. I have come to believe sharing one’s experiences is one of the most valuable ways that people, who have enjoyed full and interesting lives, can assist the less experienced. (The club has 10 branches, or associated clubs, some overseas, and something in the order of 1000 members.)
The second event is running my course in China. I made it clear from the very beginning when I went to China, it was not to teach up but share what little experience I had with them. As my course is essentially all about dispute resolution and the Chinese were sophisticated mediators, when we were running around in woad  in Great Britain, it seemed impertinence to claim that I was teaching them. Maybe a touch of false humility but nevertheless a step in the right direction towards my personal conversion to giving, as the time devoted to writing this course and delivering it were given entirely free.
Even this blog follows the same principle with its motto of Caring through Sharing and I know that this works, at least for the some of the 500,000 people who have accessed it, by the wonderfully personal, and often private, e-mails I have received from readers.
Reverting to Andre Noowen’s wise words and relating this to the sick, it is inevitable that the patient will end up as the taker and the carer as the giver, whether naturally inclined that way or not. Those of us who are blessed with natural givers are amongst the very fortunate. These carers are rarely afforded the acknowledgement they deserve but the takers among them may well abandon the task to others.
28 May 2010
Yesterday I enjoyed a wonderful day at Lord’s. It was the second day of the first test. This one, England v Bangladesh. The two new boys,, Trot and Morgan were still in overnight and Trot went on to score an excellent double century. The tail failed to wag and England were all out for 504. Bangladesh’s response was a solid 152 for 2, at close of play. I chose the right day for as I write it is raining at Lord’s and there is no prospect of play until after lunch.
The day for me was so easy, thanks to my very good friend Paul (Newman) who very kindly picking me up from home in the morning and returning me in the evening, making nothing of the journey. We were met at gate 6, wake up in the ground, by St John Ambulance (prearranged) and I was playing with wheelchair from car to Warmer stand, where we havesat for the last 20 or 30 years. These good people (St John Ambulance) were on hand, with a wheelchair when I wanted a pee hand were even on hand where are they expressed a wish to visit the lawn while and smoke a small cigar in the mid-afternoon. They are wonderful people, all volunteers, who seemed to really enjoy helping people such as me.
Paul and Roger (Goodwin) fed and watered me handsomely during the day, although I insisted on providing my own bottle of champagne. AI must say that Paul and Roger have prove to be the best of friends enabling me to re-live what I have done every years for the past 34 years and made me feel very much at home doing what I have always done. I am extremely grateful to them both.
24 May 2010
It is now hitting three weeks since the cast was put onto my leg and therefore I am able to place a little more weight on it as I stagger about with my pulpit frame. I will be very interested to see what happens when the cast is removed on 14 June and whether I will be able to walk without support or whether I will still need the frame.
The other devices which have proved absolutely invaluable are the UpEasy cushions. I thoroughly recommend them to anyone who has difficulty getting out of a low, or deep, chair – they are worth every penny.
22 May 2010
On doctor’s advice, today, we make more use of the pulpit frame than of the wheelchair. The good doctor undertook showering duties. He stood there in his bathers while I supported myself on the pulpit frame whilst being washed down with the long handle sponge, in our new wet room. This is all seem to work very satisfactorily.
I spent the early part of the morning working on  my..laptop while the good doctor dictated his reports upstairs. Being a beautiful sunny day, I then transferred to a sun lounge, in the garden, before lunching at the outside table and spending a further couple of hours in the sun before Michael had to leave for the airport to fly back to Australia. No doubt he will be with us again within a few weeks.
21 May 2010
‘My lovely’ birthday. It was a beautiful summer’s day and we had lunch in garden. Although the ramps have yet to be installed, the good doctor managed to manoeuvre the wheelchair over the front doorstep and across the brick paving get me to the lunch table outside. Darling Chloe arrived mid-morning and spent the day with us,. killing two birds with one stone. Celebrating Mater’s birthday and spending a little time with the good doctor who has kindly cared for me from time to time. That ‘my lovely’ is much loved was demonstrated by the number of cards and presents given to her, despite her saying that she really didn’t need or want anything.
In between times I managed to get quite a lot of work done on my laptop including sending details of my first invention to the patent lawyers in order to protect it before it is presented to the two firms who  have already been contacted by Coventry University.
No problems in moving about, between the good doctor manhandling me and my reliance on the pulpit frame. I am relatively pain-free and anticipate becoming ambulant relatively quickly after the removal of cast.
We concluded, what had been a beautiful day, with a bottle of champagne celebrating the birthday girl and also the arrival of the good doctor.
20 May 2010
The transition from hospital to home went remarkably smoothly thanks to the preparations made by ‘ my lovely’. Our most helpful OT, Sarah Moss, had arranged with Social Services for two lady helpers to come in and put me to bed, anticipating that the whole process would have to be carried out using the hoist that had been delivered to us. However, this arrangement had been made  me before the advent of my pulpit frame. so I demonstrated to the two ladies that we could perfectly well manage on our own for the time being but said that we would certainly need their services in the not too distant future. I felt slightly embarrassed at having made this arrangement and then cancelling it. but there really would be very little point in a engaging the services of these ladies, at this stage, as we managed perfectly well without them, both last night and, indeed, again this morning.
During the afternoon, two men arrived, again arranged by our wonderful OT, to measure up for ramps over the various steps in the house and  access to the office and hopefully these will be in place within a few days making the whole process of moving from the house to office that much easier. We have been so lucky with our support team – I really cannot fault them.
I spent the day in my study with my laptop and telephone in catching up on matters which had built up during my absence. I won’t be able to resume using my office until the new ramps are in place. Even if I’m not in a wheelchair I would still find it difficult to negotiate the steps, even with the assistance of the pulpit frame.
19 May 2010
My last day in hospital. I’m writing this from the discharge lounge, or rather from the sunny courtyard attached to it. – it is the most beautiful early summer’s day. I’m fully dressed and equipped with my marvellous pulpit frame, ready to go home but have been told I might be here for some hours awaiting transport (I just hope they don’t forget to give me lunch). I spent the morning working on my laptop although I found it hard to see the screen out in the sunshine. In the event, my stay was only slightly marred by a wait of 6 1/2 hours to be transported home by ambulance. I was horrified to learn from the paramedic that the hospital is considering privatising this transport system as they are losing something in the region of £300,000 by the year on it. This would probably mean that these paramedics would be made redundant and some, but perhaps not all, might be offered jobs with the private company taking this service over. I cannot see how a private company could provide the same level of service and make a profit. I believe this to be a real retrograde step as I have the highest regard for the paramedics who are currently running this service, who have been responsible for running me backwards and forwards running me from home to hospital.
I’ve been in this hospital for nine days and I leave with the greatest admiration for the very high standard of care provided.
As I have said earlier, in this blog, the dignity, sensitivity and caring demonstrated by the nursing staff, at all levels, is exemplary, bearing in mind that they are dealing with elderly gentleman, many of whom are in various stages of dementia with associated problems such as incontinence. Quite clearly not every NHS hospital has this extremely high standard otherwise there would be no grounds at all for complaint.
When I left my ward I told all the lovely people, on duty at the time, that I hoped that would I never see them again – I’m sure they understood what I meant by that. Rather like the dentist, a great man but I’d rather not see him professionally, that is. However, if I should ever be unfortunate enough to have to be admitted to hospital again then I would always choose to come back to Addenbrookes
I would love to mention all of the caring staff who looked after me by name but to do so would be invidious, particularly, as I’m bound to forget, or indeed never have known, Â the name of one or two of them.. So a global thank you for the wonderful care. they administered to me.
As a relatively healthy observer I had an excellent overview of degree of involvement and caring given by carers of loved ones in various stages of dementia. These carers, who I often saw visiting patients, are truly heroes and heroines. Giants of industry and the academia, are reduced, in their latter years, to sadly confused human beings, which, at times, can be very undignified, hopefully more for the carer then the cared for
I suppose the only small blot on this otherwise immaculate canvas is that the chief executive, Gareth Goodier, failed either to acknowledge, or respond, to my e-mail. (I did check out with his PA and after extensive searches it seems that he never received it.). Such a pity as it takes such a little time to respond and certainly does wonders for the hospital’s PR.
Enough of hospitals. I shall close this chapter and await my ambulance to start my new life at home with a variety of equipment.
The good Dr Long (Michael) arrives this  evening in time for ‘my lovely’s’ birthday tomorrow, when my darling daughter Chloe, will also be with us for the day. So much to look forward to. The champagne will shortly report on the ice.
18 May 2010
Earlier, when I told the reader how I spent a typical day in hospital, Â I completely forgot to mention the food which is so often criticised. I have to say again I was very pleasantly surprised at the quality.
The breakfast was pretty basic. Various fruit juices. cereals and toast. Lunch, and indeed the evening meal, were fairly similar in that they comprised a very nourishing soup, all of which were quite delicious. and a choice of two or three hot dishes, one of which would be vegetarian. Alternatively, if you didn’t fancy a hot meal then there was a choice of two or three freshly cut, vacuum sealed sandwiches. Puddings were a variety of dishes – rice pudding; spicey apple; sponge pudding; sticky toffee pudding etc or various jellies, trifles or yoghurts. Mid-morning one would be offered a choice of a fruit juices, tea or coffee. and the same in the afternoon with the addition of cake or biscuits. At bedtime, there was a choice of the usual bedtime drinks – Horlicks; Ovaltine or Hot Chocolate. If I understood it correctly, the hospital only has £2.52 per day, per patient  to produce such a variety of eminently edible meals. If that is so I think it’s quite remarkable and I will never entertain a complaint about the poor quality of NHS catering from anyone.
D. Mark Cato
D. Mark Cato