Will I Live To See 80?
I recently picked a new GP. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing ‘fairly well’ for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him, ‘Do you think I’ll live to be 80?’ He asked, ‘Do you smoke tobacco, drink beer or wine?’ ‘Oh no,’ I […]
Adopt a Dog
If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never say its not quite as good as his mother’s …then adopt a dog. If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want … …then adopt a dog. If you want someone […]
If You’re Over 50…
If you’re over 50, you’ll think this is hilarious!!! When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning, Uphill…. Barefoot…. BOTH WAYS !!!!! Yadda, yadda, yadda And I remember promising […]
Health Insurance
A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital . As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his treatment. She asked if he had health insurance. He replied, […]
Funny Chain of Title
Only in Louisiana. A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to the parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the Lawyer three months to track down. […]
Dirty Old Grandmas
Dirty Old Grandmas are tricky!!!! Three mischievous old Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home, when an old Grandpa walked by. And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying, ‘We bet we can tell exactly how old you are.’ The old man said, ‘There is no way you can guess it, you old fools.’ One of […]
Medical Humour
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon’s office. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest. After a moment or two he shook his head sadly and said, “I’m sorry. Your duck Cuddles has passed away.” The distressed woman wailed, “Are you […]
Cheltenham Races
A group of primary school infants, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to Cheltenham races to see and learn about thoroughbred horses. When it was time to take the children to the toilet, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the […]
Ode to a Golf Ball
Had William Wordsworth been a golfer, he would have written something like this about a golf ball ! In My Hand I Hold A Ball, White And Dimpled, Rather Small. Oh, How Bland It Does Appear, This Harmless Looking Little Sphere. By Its Size I Could Not Guess, The Awesome Strength It Does Possess. But Since […]
Two Old Men
Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town. After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel. The Madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager, “Go up to the first two bedrooms and […]